Always In My Heart
by CapLovesHankandKel
Summary: This is a death fic diary entry written by one of the children left behind.


This is a death fic of a main character. I don't own anything Emergency however I do own my made up characters who are not for public domain.

This story has been in my head begging to be written. Since I've not seen a story like this, I decided to do one. This does involve the death of a main character. This is being done in the first person point of view. This is a diary entry being written on the First Anniversary of this character's death. Her diary is named "Raj" and that's who she's writing to.

Hi Raj,

Wow! It's hard to believe that today marks the First Anniversary of my Dad's death. It only seems like yesterday that we recieved the call from Rampart Emergency for the family to "get up there immediately" because at that point, Dad was on life-support. Mom gathered all nine of us and we got up there. The crew were trying their best to be strong but it was very hard for them to be strong because they were blaming themselves for it happening to begin with. They loved my Dad as much as we did. He was involved in a very sudden, unexpected cave-in at a fire and it took a while to reach him. Mom assured them that she would never blame them for that happening; that every time my Dad left the house something like that could happen because it was part of the danger of the job. So when we got to the Emergency Room, a very somber Dr. Brackett told us that he was on total life-support and he didn't expect him to make it through the night. I was nineteen, Myranda was seventeen, Strider sixteen, Kota fifteen, Trystan fourteen, Lakota thirteen, Deklan twelve, Gannon eleven and Dakota was ten. Deklan and Dakota didn't quite understand what was going on but the rest of us did and we were devastated especially Mom. I noticed Dad looked so at peace when Father Patrick came to give him his last rites. Mom decided not to pull him off of life-support right away. She felt as long as there was some life, there was some hope. Dr. Brackett make it clear to her that the machine was doing the breathing for him. She told the good doctor she just wasn't ready to let him go. None of us where. We were too much in shock.

So for the next few weeks, Mom decided to keep him hooked up to life-support. Grandma and Grandpa Stanley spent a lot of time with him. Mom and all us kids spent a lot of time with him too. We held his hand, stroked his arms, stroked his hair, did many things to try and find signs of life but there weren't any. So, three weeks later, Mom and Grandma and Grandpa Stanley all decided together to pull the plug because Dr. Early declared Dad brain dead with "no hope of recovery." It had to have been one of the hardest decisions anyone ever had to make. So Mom called the Station House crew, the Chief and Father Patrick gave them all a chance to say goodbye. Even though I swear there was an ocean of tears in his room, the love everyone had for my Dad was so amazing and comforting. Even Dr. Early and Dr. Brackett took it hard. He told Dad "when I get up there with you, our head butts will continue." And he smiled and tears fell from his eyes. After everyone said their goodbyes, the life-support was terminated. Dad lived about twenty more minutes after that then he quit breathing and passed away peacefully. Father Patrick had prayer after he passed and the very hard part began. We had a very emotional funeral for him and the Fire Department procession was simply awesome. Dad would have been proud.

Now, one year later, a lot has happened. Mom has been through so much but she's a strong lady. She's had to make some decisions she didn't want to make but in the end she found out they were the right decisions in the long run. Because Dad is no longer there to help her, Mom had to put Deklan and Dakota in a special care facility. They are very well taken care of and we go see them on a regular basis. We have them home every holiday and we help Mom take care of them. Strider and Kota are really good about it. The rest of the kids are still in school and I look back and I am so thankful that Dad was able to see at least one of his children graduate. I wanted to do in the Deaconate studies but Father said I couldn't because I am a woman and they currently don't allow women to do such things. Broke my heart. So I picked up the guitar and learned to play it. I started playing by ear and Steve West helped me learn a lot more stuff. So I play in the Folk Choir in tribute to my Dad. I really do love doing it and I know why he had such a good time doing it. Myranda also joined the Choir, she plays the tamborine, blocks and other rhythm instruments. It really adds to the Choir and we sound great. The boys are still doing their Altar Serving. I'm too old to do that now and man do I ever miss it. But I am in the Choir and I also have lecturing duties about once a month and I enjoy doing that as well. I really think Dad would be proud. I still want to be a firefighter but I am running into one road block after another because I am a female. That's just not right but if I hang in there long enough, maybe it'll change. Mom talks about Dad really often. We go to his grave every holiday and on his birthday and "just because" days. I asked Mom if she would ever date or get married again and she said she really doubted it because she didn't think she'd ever meet anyone like Dad again. She's probably right though. And it's only been a year. If it's supposed to be, she'll meet and marry someone. If not, she won't. I can't say enough about the Station House crew and the Chief. Even though it's a year later, they are still staying really close to us. They do a lot of favors for Mom and a lot of stuff that Dad used to do like painting, mowing and stuff like that. They have been just great to us. Well Raj, I need to close. To my beloved Father, I want you to know that you are always in my heart. We love and miss you so much. But I know you've been promoted to angel status and I know you're watching over us all and that is such a comfort to me. Talk to you later Raj.

Until then,

Kaity


End file.
